What’s the difference between love, true love, and showing off?
– Spitting, swallowing, and gargling.
What do you feed a woman to stop her from giving blowjobs?
– The wedding cake.
Why do men give cold women their jackets?
– No man wants a blowjob from a woman with chattering teeth
What is the real reason men enjoy blowjobs?
– 5 minutes of silence.
What’s the difference between having the same job for 20 years and having the same wife for 20 years?
– The job still blows.
Why do men love blow jobs so much?
– It’s the only way to get inside a woman’s head.
Why does Dumbledore give the best blow jobs at Hogwarts?
– Because he’s the headmaster.
What’s so good about an Ethiopian blow job?
– You know she’ll swallow.
What do you call a blow job in the morning?
– A head start.
What’s the similarity between getting a blow job from an eighty-year-old woman and walking a tightrope?
– In both cases, you really don’t want to look down.
The teacher entered the classroom and asked her fifth-grade class to spell any 12-letter word. The teacher called on one of the students who raised his hand. He spelled it “M-A-S-T-U-R-B-A-T-I-O-N.” The entire class laughed, and the teacher was taken aback but lauded him because it was a 12-letter word and he managed to spell it correctly. “Wow!” she exclaimed. “Excellent work. That’s quite a mouthful!”
The kid replies, “No, you’re thinking of a blowjob!”
What do you call an equestrian that has never received a blow job?
– A Headless Horseman.
What do you call receiving oral while eating a steak?
– Fellatio Mignon.
Why shouldn’t you make jokes about dwarves giving fellatio?
– It’s a bit of a low blow.
Did you hear about the new virtual reality fellatio program?
– It’s a real mind-blowing experience.
What do you call it when a boxer gives Dracula a BJ?
– Going down for the count.
What is fellatio in a storm?
– Blowing in the wind.
What do you call conversation during BJ?
– Job Interview.
Why wouldn’t the lioness give fellatio?
– She just couldn’t swallow her pride.
How is marriage like a hurricane?
– It starts off with all the sucking and blowing then you lose your house.
What do you call a blowjob in an Outhouse?
– A Country Blumpkin.
How did Captain Crunch get his name?
– He got it by giving really bad blowjobs.
Why do fat girls give such good blowjobs?
– Because there is food at the end.
What do you call conversation during BJ?
– Job Interview.
What is fellatio in a storm?
– Blowing in the wind.
What do you call receiving oral while eating a steak?
– Fellatio Mignon.
What do you call a blow job in the morning?
– A head start.
Why do men love blow jobs so much?
– It’s the only way to get inside a woman’s head.
Did you hear about the new virtual reality fellatio program?
It’s a real mind-blowing experience.
There’s no business like Show Business.
There’s no job like a blow job.
Why don’t roosters get blowjobs from hens?
They don’t like feathers in their peckers, rrrr, beaks?
Did you hear about the guy who broke up with his GF called “Rent” when she refused to perform fellatio?
– Their relationship ended overhead.
What do you call a blowjob from a fish?
A deep-Trout.
What did the man with the average size penis say while getting a blowjob?
You suck a mean dick.
What do you call a girl that doesn’t give blowjobs?
You don’t.
Why are vegans bad at blowjobs?
They aren’t used to meat.
BOY: “Give me a blow job.”
GIRL: “Can you be more romantic?”
BOY: “Fine, give me a blow job in the rain.”
If getting a blowjob while driving is called Roadhead, what do you call getting a blowjob while piloting a plane?
– Airhead.
What is the difference between a tyre, and 365 blowjobs?
One is a Goodyear, and one as a Fantastic year.
Did you hear about the girlfriend who keeps trying to give her guy a blowjob on the treadmill?
It’s a running gag.
What do you call it when a midget gives head?
A below job.
What do you call an Israeli blowjob?
Iron Dome.
How being in the military is like getting a blowjob?
The closer you get to discharge, the better you feel.
What do you call a blonde with pig tails?
A blowjob with handlebars.
Did you hear about the guy who broke up with his GF called “Rent” when she refused to perform fellatio?
Their relationship ended overhead.
What does a redneck do after giving a blowjob?
Give her dad a goodnight kiss.
What’s the best thing about getting a handjob from Heller Keller?
It’s technically a blowjob.
What did the telepathic guy say when he forced a girl to give him a blowjob using his powers?
“I’m inside your head.”
What’s the best thing about having sex with a pregnant woman?
If you go in deep enough, you get a blowjob too.
A prostitute is taking some night classes and struggling with math.
– One day, it clicks. She says, “I give like 5 blowjobs a day. That’s like 35 blowjobs a week!”
The teacher is so proud, “Now you’re thinking with your head!”
What is the definition of trust?
– Two cannibals giving each other blowjobs.
What do you call a group of blowjob enthusiasts?
– A gaggle
Why did the prostitute give the diabetic a free blowjob?
She thought it’d be sweet.
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